


My Hopeless Dream

by Sokorra



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 12:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2229105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokorra/pseuds/Sokorra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shots that all occur in the same verse where Ezri's ship, the Aventine, is hit by a mysterious force.  Ezri deals with recovery, the investigation in her ship, and her changing relationship with Julain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Aftermath

Dying sucked.

 

Not that it was an original thought.  She was sure plenty of people thought the same thing as they lay there dying, but she felt like saying it herself.  She was still conscious enough to feel the pain, still enough blood within her to not help her off to a soft ending.  At least that was what she had heard about bleeding to death.  You fell asleep to death.  For the life of her she couldn’t bring up any of her previous host memories on how it actually was.

 

She was laying on the floor of the Bridge, her hands and those of her doctor pressing down on the large gash in her abdomen, hoping to stem the tide till they got to DS9.  The ship’s sickbay was already full of the injured, dying and dead to accept another, and Simon was afraid if she moved it might make things worse.

 

Her thoughts spiraled out of coherency.  She seemed to be thinking of five million things at the same time.  Sadness that Dax would not see a new host.  There were no other  Trill on board for the symbiont to transfer to.  Her own injuries seemed to be at least far enough away from where Dax sat that had their been one Dax could live on.

 

She felt sadness for her friends.  They had lost so much and would lose her too. Flashes of their faces flowed past her.  Worf, a  lover who shouldn’t have been, and now was a close friend.  Benjamin who had been her friend for three lifetimes now.  Miles, who had accepted her no matter what her form.  Odo who was hopefully finding happiness with his people.  Kira who was running.DS9 and whom had been one of her closest friends as well.

 

Julian.  His face brought up so many feelings, so many memories it was hard to pick just one to focus on.  He had been her friend, her crush, her lover.  Memories of his perusal of Jadzia filtered in, his sad smiles when she rejected him once again.  The looks he gave her after she became Ezri which she couldn’t at first tell the difference from the previous looks.  All she knew was that Ezri Tigan had been in love with him.  It was her shifting memories and attitudes as Ezri Dax that had made her doubt her love.  Made them waste years being apart, calling each other friend when they both knew they were more than that even if they no longer touched.

 

He had become her lover again just months previous.  Their new relationship was tenuous, both of them afraid of history repeating itself but missing the connection they had felt together.  She loved him still, and never told him, not in the last few years.  That added regret to the sadness.

 

She thought of Simon and the others of her crew who had lost a captain already and would now lose another one.  She could see the few officers on the bridge watching her with concern.

 

 _Its okay_ she thought towards them. _I’ve done this before._

 

Except she really hadn’t.

 

* * *

 

 

Julian had been preparing the infirmary as soon as Kira had called in the distress signal.  He called his doctors who were off duty back on so the medical facility was fully staffed and ready to receive patients.  Now they could only wait.

 

He didn’t like the waiting, not when it allowed him to think about anything except what was right in front of him.  When he was working on a patient he could narrow his focus to just that person.  He could push all other thoughts out of his head.  

 

_Ez._

 

When he was waiting, his thoughts could go to things that he didn’t want to think about.  The Aventine was Ezri’s ship. The amount of casualties suggested that the ship had been hit hard by whatever had attacked him, and he could feel a sliver of terror that his girlfriend...if he could call her that...was one of them.  When Kira had opened the comm to so he could ask what he needed to ask it hadn’t been her telling him, it had been her first officer.  He could hear crashing and moaning in the background.

 

The infirmary started to be a flurry of activity as injured patients began to be brought in by transporter and stretcher, doctors taking the more serious injuries to the back near the operating theater and the nurses caring for those who had bruises, cuts and broken bones that could be easily healed with regenerator.

 

He was checking the patients as they came in, directing them to the Doctor most skilled with that area of the body related to the injuries.  When she came in he didn’t see her at first, but he looked up after telling someone that the patient in front of him needed Girani’s skill at deep burns and stopped dead in his tracks, feeling as the life drained out of him as he saw her.  She was on a stretcher, covered in blood, looking like she was about to fall unconscious. He started walking towards her, his eyes locked with her blue ones when Girani pushed the deep burn kit in his arms and told him she’d take care of Ezri with a pointed look.

 

How the woman had known, Julian didn’t know.  Perhaps she just remembered what Ezri had been to him in the past.  Hadn’t truly known that Ezri and he had rekindled their romantic relationship.

 

Again, romantic might give it more credence than it was.  They had started to sleep together while maintaining a friendship that didn’t push for anything more.  He knew he loved her, but he didn’t know what she wanted and for the time being she seemed to want simple and quiet.

 

He turned and focused on his patients, pushing her out of his thoughts.  He couldn’t think about how his stomach had dropped at the thought of her being gone.  People needed his help.

* * *

 

 

“Her injuries weren’t as bad as they appeared,”  Girani stated coming up behind him as he stared at the sleeping form of Ezri Dax.  “Serious, but there were worse.”  Fourteen people had died, another 30 were in various states of injured. “You should get some sleep, Julian.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You just reconstructed someone’s internal organs.”  There was concern but also annoyance.  Doctors were supposedly the worst patients, and in Girani’s experience that held true for Julian Bashir. Technology had made their jobs easier, but not less energy consuming, and Julian was notorious for getting into a zone in his research and forgetting to leave the infirmary untill O’Brien or Garak pulled him out for a holosuite game or lunch respectively.

 

She hadn’t really known him as a patient’s loved one, since most of the time he worked on the senior staff himself. But she had known the minute Julian had stopped in the middle of a sentence this was not the right time for him to continue that practice.  

 

“At least take the biobed beside her,” Girani finally added. “I’ll see that you are awaken when she awakes.”  He nodded but didn’t really move.

 

She double checked Dax’s bio readings, nodded as she saw that her earlier outlook was confirmed.  

 

 


	2. Cutzey Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Ezri admit a few things to each other. Inspired by an RP post

She sighed as she relaxed into the water, just the right temperature, and settled in.  It had been a rough couple of days so a good soak in the tub with her favorite person was just what the doctor ordered.  She giggled slightly at her thoughts.

 

“What’s so funny?” She could feel his words vibrate through the chest she was leaning on.

 

“I was thinking about how this was ‘Just what the doctor ordered’ and it caught me as funny, that’s all.  Given that you're a Doctor.”

 

He grinned, though she couldn’t see it.  Kissing her temple,he moved his hands to her shoulders, massaging them slightly to get them to relax.  “I suppose it is,” he finally responded. She simply sighed and closed her eyes, leaning fully back against his chest, her head rolling slightly left to lean her forehead against his jaw.  She was still getting used to the beard, but she was finding she actually kind of liked it.  Mostly because it came around the same time Julian seemed to settle into his own skin.  

 

It was all new yet old to her. They had been apart so long their relationship seemed almost new, especially this comfortable closeness she didn’t think they had the last time.  Maybe it was because they were older, maybe its because they came into the relationship this time with the glasses off.  They knew each other better.  She didn’t worry about her past haunting them, and he didn’t have to worry she was about to switch personalities again. They were more comfortable with themselves ergo they could be more comfortable with each other.

 

He continued to move his hands down her arms, massaging them and allow his touch and the warm water to relax her.  After awhile he moved his arms around her waist, holding her close and kissing her temple before relaxing himself into the air pillow they had gotten for long soaks in the tub.

 

They had both been through so much that week.  Ezri’s ships had been fighting an still unknown assailant. Julian had then been head of the trauma team dealing with their casualties that their small onboard sickbay just couldn’t handle on its own.

 

She doubted she’d ever forget Julian’s face when she was carried in covered in blood. Girani had dealt with her, knowing with one glance at Julian that he couldn’t...or shouldn’t rather...deal with the situation.  They had been keeping their relationship a secret for the time being, trying to adjust to being together again and afraid to tell others in case they failed liked the last time.

 

She didn’t think they would fail this time. Not after she realised that when she thought there was a possibility she might die, her thoughts drifted to him and how she wanted to see him one more time.  Not after seeing his pure panic at the sight of her potentially dying in his infirmary.

 

She had woken up a few hours later, still healing from surgery to repair a few internal injuries.  Had woken up to find him sleeping in a chair beside her biobed, still in surgical gear.  The nurse who had been doing rounds at the time told her he hadn’t left her side.

 

When he startled awake a few minutes later she just smiled and told him to go to bed.  He argued for awhile but finally conceded when Girani read him the riot act (and not for the first time given her tone) for not taking care of himself when he had patients depending on him.  She owed her a favor.

 

“Things lightening up?”  She asked, wondering how his day had been.  After she had got released she had spent two days in long briefings trying to figure out just what had happened.  Who was it that had attacked them?  Why  had they attacked?  Why was there so much damage.  Her ship was going to be in repairs for weeks.  Nerys had thought about sending for Miles, seeing if he could bring a team from Earth to help speed up the investigation and repairs on the ship.  She didn’t know what the final decision on that was.  Julian meanwhile had spent the day along Simon making sure all the members of her crew were back in working order, while doing autopsies for the official files of the five members who had died.

 

“Most have been released, if that is what you mean.”  She could hear the exhaustion in his voice.  It really hadn’t been that easy for either of them.  “You were one of the worst off, and it was only because you needed to brief that Girani let you go when she did.”

 

“I’m fine, Julian.”  She said, squeezing the arm that still rested around her waist.  “I made sure to not do anything physically strenuous and wore the bio readers like a good girl.  You know that.”  He worried too much about her, but that was the way he was.  At least he had finally grown out of his need to be the savior of everyone.

 

“I’m always going to worry.  You’re too precious to me not too.”  He said, nearly whispering the last part.  She opened her eyes but didn’t move. Their relationship was so new, this time around, that they had never really expressed what they felt for each other.  Instead they had shown it in the way they touched, their tone of voice.  This was the closest Julian had gotten to saying he loved her.

 

She wanted to tell him she loved him but she wasn’t sure how.  It didn’t seem right to just blurt it out, even after he had made such a comment as that.. It was a good of an opportunity as any, though, and it was important that she told him.  She shifted so that she was facing him, could see his face when she told him.  He had opened his eyes and looked blearily at her, releasing his light hold on her as she moved, the water sloshing against the sides.  resting her hands on his shoulders, her fingers lightly touching his collar bone, she just looked at him for a minute.

 

“You know I love you, right.”  She said, looking into his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes.  He smiled, raising slightly so that he was sitting more upright and their faces were closer together.  He hugged her close, resting his forehead on her own.

 

“I love you, too.”

  
“I know.  I saw it when you looked at me when I arrived,” she answered, lightly kissing him. his arms tightened slightly and he deepened the kiss.  She moved her arms from where they were between them and moved them around his neck.  The kisses were not so much meant to arose as they were to comfort, to show in touch what they had just said in words.  They were both too exhausted to do much then relax and bathe anyhow.  She leaned away after a few minutes, her eyes closed, but a smile on her face. 


End file.
